Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
