i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
