i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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