Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's great music for shaving your balls
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
