We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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