I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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