just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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