Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
