Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
