I feel great
I just peed on a car
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
