i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
