Apparently you make a good broom.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
