I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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