I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
