he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
