Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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