Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
