Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
