Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
