Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
