Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
