you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
