who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
