when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
