my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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