I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
