He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
