what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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