I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
