I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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