I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
