a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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