Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
