You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize