i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
