let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
