i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
