can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
