It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
