I will die if light touches me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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