I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The power of my boobs compel you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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