A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
