I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
