True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
