if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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