I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
