I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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