just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
