This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
