my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
