Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
