I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
