the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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