just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize