Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
