she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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