My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
